dread of forthcoming events
Something does not seem right, I have had a feeling that something bad is about to happen. Maybe it is just anxiety over the next round of test, or maybe it is something far worse. I cannot tell. Whatever it is the looming feeling is an opressive weight on the moment. I feel out of control, things seem to be rushing down on me. Five-week classes are just too fast. I feel like I am driving a normal semester forward, but in a five week class I feel like the class is pushing me. I’m fighting for control and to keep myself ahead of the wave of finality that the limited deadlines of this semester is. On top of that there is so much anticipation. Leaving the Civil Engineering job at the end of August, moving to a new place next week. The wedding in September, graduation in December, finding out if I am accepted into Virginia Tech. This makes time a crushing force that is squeezing me tighter between the approaching deadlines and the anticipated deadlines. I have to hold on to the present to make my deadlines, but I just want to speed into my anticipated moments. This is a difficult balancing act and I am terrified that I will fall and there will be no net for me.
plb
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